Sharing... Empathy... Sympathy

At the age of 2... almost 3... I know that the thought of sharing, being empathetic, and sympathetic for others is nearly impossible! While sharing is a must, learning empathy and sympathy are probably still a few years off in terms of age appropriate development. On the other hand, I do think it is a great time to start teaching these things to children.



As most everyone knows, my grandpa has been in the hospital since last week due to a bad fall/stroke/broken leg. Therefore, we spent many hours there comforting family and praying for healing. While we were at the hospital, there was a family who appeared to be living in the ICU waiting room. The most obvious family member was a young girl who was only 8 years old. Each time we were visiting, she was there (usually in her pajamas) watching tv. Ella really took to this little girl and enjoyed her company and gadgets! While we sat, we tried to get some information from this little girl about why she was there and so on. It turns out, they had been there for two weeks because her father was having seizures and suffering from lymphoma. This little girl was a very mature 8 year old and was willing to tell all about her life struggles. You could tell that she was "forced" to grow up at a rapid rate and was in need of love and attention. What 8 year old wouldn't after spending two weeks plus sleeping in a hospital? As we got to know Sophie, we realized that she was excited for school, but was missing a few last minute school supplies. So, Kermie went out on a little shopping spree so she could be prepared for school and a fresh start to the year. School supplies were probably the last thing on her family's mind!



To make a long story short... when Kermie returned with the belated birthday gift, Ella was very confused! We hadn't told her we were going to give Sopie a gift and hadn't shared with Ella Sophie's circumstances before hand and honestly didn't think she would even understand if we had told her. As Sophie unzipped her new backpack and began taking out all the goodies, Ella starting throwing a FIT! I was completely humiliated to say the least. She couldn't understand the fact that those were not for her, couldn't be "shared," and that her daddy wasn't going to give her something out of the bag. I immediately took her out into the hallway to begin explaining this very complicated situation to a 2 year old and when she finally gained composure I took her back in. Once inside the waiting room again, she starting getting upset and wanted to open everything inside the bag, so we said our goodbyes and left.



My inital thoughts were "what have we done wrong" and "have we spoiled our child so much that she can't give to others?" I know that Ella is very blessed to have the things she has and know that she is "spoiled" to a certain extent. I also know that she is only 2 and is at a very selfish age, but I also know that we need to be working harder to make sure she knows just how blessed she is and that there are many less fortunate little girls in this world.



On top of our sharing issues and this incident, we have also been looking to find something in addition to TIME OUT, to reinforce positive behaviors from Ella. I am not a fan of constantly say "no", "don't", etc. etc. etc. So, Kermie and I put our heads together and came up with a Stick System. This system is purely positive reinforcement and does not involve any type of punishment whatsoever. The only materials needed were a plastic cup and ten sticks. We explained to Ella that she could earn 10 sticks for doing "big girl and good girl" things around the house and outside of the house. Whether it's picking up after herself, not complaining about not getting her way, sharing, etc. etc. she can earn up to 10 total sticks. When she gets to 10, she is allowed a "special" treat. She also will be getting the same "special" treat to give away to someone else. So, basically, by displaying positive behavior, which will hopefully cut down on TIME OUT time, Ella will be rewarded for doing good things and will get to give her earned reward to another person.



Since we have started the Stick System, Ella has been in TIME OUT 1 time! It's been a total of 4 days now, so that's a record! She has helped out around the house more than usual, refrained from using "mean" words when she is angry and gotten super excited when she earns a stick! She is currently at 9 sticks and has one left to earn before getting her "special" treat. She has mentioned a piece of candy and talked about sharing the extra treat with her cousin Ava or Brayden, so we will see what she decides. I know it's only been a few days, but the immediate results have been so rewarding and more than anything, I am hoping that she learns to share more with others (less fortunate or more fortunate).

P.S. We are being induced tomorrow at 5 a.m. :) Grayson will be joining us soon!